a love note for the weekend

there are so many beautiful people full of love to give in the world. you deserve to be in relationship with them. you are one of them. forget about “do I have what it takes?”. this is not about anything taking from you. inquire instead into whether you can receive what it gives. how can you ready yourself for what I want to give you?

I’m so grateful for how you choose to be, so grateful for how you change. and fuck, I’m so grateful for the ways you stay the same. god knows I need something to come back to when the fantasies fail me or duality disappoints me. you know that I love you, right? I act like I forget sometimes because I really do forget, and it has nothing to do with you. it’s just challenging to reconcile the instability intimacy brings up in me, the way my body remembers all the times it was a lie, all the times it was a trap, all the times it was just my imagination. all the times it was never going to be enough to save us.

imagination. I don’t think it terrifies me because I might be let down. I know how to handle that by now. it terrifies me because I do believe in it & I’ve seen how it can create nightmares as well as dreams come true. I don’t want to use it on you, anymore. I don’t want to have a distorted view. you will always be a mirror but this don’t have to be a fun house. I don’t wanna have to be in love with somebody else to be in love with myself. when that happens, it usually means I’m making the other person up because the only time I give myself permission to BE love is for somebody else. what a ridiculous situation. what a discombobulation.

I won’t let you get stuck in accumulative or transactional love, with or without me. distribution is the way into sustainability & the way out of hierarchy. this method also means it needs to be resourced by something more infinite than you, more infinite than me, more infinite than us. love, right? but what does that even mean? what is love? who does it belong to? how does it work? when does it show up? where can we find it? how do we make it? why does it even fucking matter so much?

these are questions I want to continue answering with you. I’ll share my ideas so far, though. I think love is that moment when I remember that I’m beautiful & necessary regardless. it’s those moments when nothing that ever happened to me is relevant anymore because I’m so here right now. love isn’t a resource in itself, it generates resources. it can’t be contained or extracted from as a “thing”. when that’s happening, that’s how I know it’s not love. maybe “it” is even antithetical to the way love works—’cause love works. it’s an entity, it’s a being, it makes shit happen.

it’s you, queridx. you’re love. you’re love to me. and the more you love yourself, the more you’re love to everything & everybody. don’t rush yourself to feel like that’s true, though. let time talk. harvest what’s ready, keep planting seeds, & tending to what’s real. this shit is not a garden, mi amor! you? love? your love? that’s a fucking ecosystem. it’s the shit that keeps me alive.

inspired by this weekend’s venus in gemini square neptune in pisces with the moon in virgo.

oxo
ARI

a jupiter + neptune love note

Neptune (transcendence, confusion) is in pisces, where ocean waters inhale & exhale at the same time as waves overlap into each other. it’s the only planet in a water sign right now (besides the Moon passing through). it’s felt extra important lately because pisces is ruled by Jupiter which is currently in capricorn, amplifying & harm reducing the collective crisis of Mars-Saturn-Pluto.

I see Neptune + Jupiter’s relationship right now showing up as despair & grief magnified. this is holy truth-telling work. I also see it in how interconnection & surrender are being engaged in abundant, resourceful ways. this is holy truth-telling work, too.

as hierarchy & hyper-individualism dissolve on every level, I’m in awe of how we’re leaning into the equitable support structures emerging. I also honor those preexisting & already established by the accessibility teachings from our disabled & BIPOC communities.

I love how we’re redefining authority as a collaboration & engaging in what Caroline Casey of the Visionary Activist radio show calls “effective dedication”. what could be more Jupiter (dedication) in capricorn (effective)?

Magical Realism also feels like a potent concept here. Saturn in aquarius ruling Jupiter in capricorn ruling Neptune in pisces is our invitation to make the magical even more real. to implement wisdom from every realm. to realize that spirituality is inherently pragmatic.

thank you to everyone who is supercharging the Next World, the Real World, through the holy work of grief & the application of divine intelligence. thank you to the magical realists, those dedicated to effectiveness, those who make up the very essence of support structures. thank you to everyone engaged in care work so they can remain emotionally available to themselves, others, the future.

all my love, always.

OXO
ARI

a love note for the weekend

I have this vision of myself. I’m golden + bright, sunshine incarnate. I exude something beyond joy— ecstasy. I light up a room. people love to be around me. I am generous, powerful, & effortlessly beautiful. my style is flawless & dazzling in its authenticity. I am wise without words, though I know how to use them with exceptional skill. I am noticed and respected, I don’t have to choose between the two. I’m wealthy and protected. I am believed & beloved. this is the vision I hold for myself. this is who I am. actually, this is how I am…underneath the uncovering.

I’m becoming so much more interested in how I am being than who I am. "who I am” identity is fluid, unpredictable, it’s change—like god. how I am being is who I am. I feel like healing has given me access to care more about the how than the solidified who. healing is uncovering the self underneath the debris of trauma & false separation. but more importantly, healing allows me to access ways of being that weren’t sustainable when I was separated from myself & the interdependent impact of behaviors (the how).

I think healing is restoring & repairing through repetition, like physical therapy. maybe healing even just brings us back to neutral & everything from there is evolution/growth/increase. I know I was raised in a spirituality that conflated healing with transcendence but I don’t think that’s true anymore, at least for me. anything I’ve ever thought I transcended has resurfaced in deeper layers. any experiences I have of transcendence are a collaboration between my ability to be present & embrace temporality. this ability increases as a result of healing but is not contained by it. maybe transcendence happens in/after/during healing but they are not synonyms.

I’m tired of watching us struggling to heal & heal & heal like an eternal fucking task list without even being anchored in some kinda love for ourselves, some kinda recognition of our inherent divinity. my question for you is: who do you think you are based on how you be(have)? what is the vision you hold for yourself beyond healing & underneath repair?

every version of you that’s ever existed & will exist already exists. so how can you access a future vision today? how can you act as if it already is? that’s praxis: “a practical application of theory.” it’s an art, a science, a skill. it’s the Sun in pisces +++++capricorn action. maybe this is where healing & transcendence meet but, look down at your feet. keep them here on the ground. ‘cause we need you.

oxo
ARI

A LOVE LETTER TO JUPITER IN CAPRICORN

I’m so grateful for the certainty of your humility. I know that the thin line between humble & deprecating gets too thin sometimes, but you bounce back. and I love the way you stay radiant, like the dewy glow of sweat after hard work or the light of someone whose pragmatic mind offers clarity.

I love the pragmatism of your discernment- it’s so fucking sexy!

your interest in the wisdom of clear containers & consistent assessment of our actual capacity is a gift that keeps on giving, though we may not realize it in the moment. we’re looking for the comfort of miraculous guidance or accelerated expansion that has been exiled. this may only mean it is waiting for us past where we’ve been willing to walk…until now.

the path of alignment is longer & more tiring than maybe we were ready for, especially if we’ve been too caught up in theory while missing practical application or too caught up in practice to improve upon theory. yet you know the benefits outweigh the costs when we stop operating transactionally with everything (including the multiverse itself) & learn to let time talk. it’s no pretension & all discretion with you. damn.

I know that your time in capricorn means that you promise nothing that we think we want but much of what we don’t realize we need. for some, this time is an increase of pessimism. for others, a lengthy yet deeply valuable reality check. either way, I’m reminded of how I hear you in the way Mariame Kaba frames “hope is a discipline, not an emotion or sense of optimism” (from description of ep. 19, Beyond Prisons). or in how SZA sang “clarity is a state of mind”.

thank you for challenging our limitations without denying us the reality of possibility. thank you for presencing the importance of integrity & accountability in relationships to mentors, guides, teachers, tradition itself. thank you for telling us how to preserve our dignity through response-able practice rather than reactivity. thank you for showing us where the kyriarchy (intersecting systems of oppression) impacts our ability to be useful in the application of our knowledge.

your praxis of devotion is a blessing. may we be equipped to receive & sustain it, to love you back, to love each other in these ways.

Jupiter is in capricorn Dec. 2019-Dec. 2020. if you were born in 1996, 1984, 1972, 1960 this may be your Jupiter return. these are rough dates for the 12 year cycles of Jupiter; your chart needs to be checked & not all returns are created equal. if you are a cardinal rising sign/placement holder (aries, libra, cancer, cap), this may be a transit of significant shifts for you. you can always book a reading to discuss this with me further!

oxo
ARI