I just wanna make you love yourself

I speak many languages
like the words you don’t say
the things you tuck in-between the lines
but the only language I wanna speak forever is that of the stars
so I can seduce you
into your own galaxy

I just wanna make you love yourself
I just wanna show you
the magnificence of the untouchable
lights inside you
I just wanna see you set free
like outer space
explored but never owned
familiar, like coming home
every night
but too limitless to be
ever truly known

lemme be your astro-chiropractor.
lemme guide you inside so you don’t be looking somewhere else.

now booking 1:1 for October

control, commitment, & response-ability

Saturn = structure, doing the hard thing, responsibilities, long-term securities, pragmatic plans, linear time.

Saturn work is supposed to support the quality of your life. the quality of your life is not determined by how much Saturn work you do. Saturn is not the only work for a successful, satisfying life.

too much Saturn shows up as control rather than commitments. control is doing shit whether you feel like it or not because it's outcome based & fear oriented— you don’t wanna “fail” & so you get stuck doing the most or doing nothing at all. commitments are doing shit whether you feel like it or not because it truly matters to you regardless of the outcome or temporary feelings like fear.

our Saturn responsibilities, our ability-to-respond, shapes the way we make decisions. Saturn in control mode will make decisions with the intent of investing into some kind of permanence or stability or public-image that may not really exist. Saturn in commitment mode will ask: can I make this decision with the acceptance that change is the only constant?

the discipline response-ability requires isn’t only about doing the hard things in a conventional way, like making better habits or doing taxes. it’s also about teaching yourself to react less (control) & cultivate enough curiosity to actually respond (because you’re committed to growth). are we making a definite decision because the unknown/surrender/vulnerability terrifies us, or are we making a decision because we feel it’s for the best in our bones?

the kyriarchy/capitalism/oppression uses a lot of Saturn energy to guilt, shame, & manipulate us into abusive relationships with ourselves, others, & time itself. this is what I mean by Saturn is supposed to support the quality of your life, be the structure that enhances your freedom. don’t use Saturn work to measure how vital & worthy you are. yes, we learn lessons about consequences & discipline the hard way sometimes but that doesn’t mean Saturn gets to run your life. YOU get to run your life.

a healthy Saturn gives us healthy standards that don’t let us settle for shit just because it’s temporary. a healthy Saturn also gives us the inner stability to know that sometimes discomfort is the strategy towards our actualization/goals. a healthy Saturn is when the muscles of self-love & soul-care grow strong enough to carry you through uncertainty & change. a healthy Saturn is a spine, structured yet flexible. a healthy Saturn is a healthy parental relationship with ourselves (instead of parenting others), being gentle and firm with our insecurities & fears.

decide what’s important to you & commit to it…until a point comes, if it does, where that needs to change. make decisions based on the priorities that matter in the long term, not the feelings that sabotage your joy in the moment. do the hard thing & go for the pragmatic plan because you care about yourself enough to save yourself trouble, not because you need to live up to your own or anyone else’s expectations of performance or production.

for help with the health of your Saturn, book a session.

oxo
Ari

in the absence of urgency

sabbatical over, I find myself in this interesting space that I created by attempting a separation between the “personal” & my work. I’ve been playing with dissolving this & operating with more presence. at the same time, I really value boundaries & privacy so it’s not a clear cut thing.

however, it has come to my attention in new ways that I am an unusual person living an unusual life & that’s the kind of thing to be transparent about while we create new worlds & the old ways die. every time I’ve shared more of myself even with discomfort, folx have left but more importantly, folx respond with deep resonance & care. isn’t that what the fuck I’m here for anyway?

I think I haven’t wanted to share in a more personal, playful way for fear of seeming less spiritual/serious about my work. as a queer non-binary Boricua in an unconventional field/all the time, I’ve had to put so much effort into being taken seriously & respected. eventually I realized that was a waste of time & your people will find you when you stop trying to prove yourself but there is still residue of that way of being in me, of course.

dissolving the separations between work, play, & my inner life also brings up the question of what my work is exactly & why I do anything. working with Turtle Tank / School for Radical Purpose since January has been a priceless investment into the unfolding of the answers that lead to better questions.

I think it’s time to practice some of these answers & questions out loud & stop running from all of who I am being necessary. I don’t want to *take* up space, I am space. I am multitudinous & my deepest desire for my self is to be unapologetic about it. so onward into whatever the fuck that means. come with?

oxo
Ari