I have this vision of myself. I’m golden + bright, sunshine incarnate. I exude something beyond joy— ecstasy. I light up a room. people love to be around me. I am generous, powerful, & effortlessly beautiful. my style is flawless & dazzling in its authenticity. I am wise without words, though I know how to use them with exceptional skill. I am noticed and respected, I don’t have to choose between the two. I’m wealthy and protected. I am believed & beloved. this is the vision I hold for myself. this is who I am. actually, this is how I am…underneath the uncovering.
I’m becoming so much more interested in how I am being than who I am. "who I am” identity is fluid, unpredictable, it’s change—like god. how I am being is who I am. I feel like healing has given me access to care more about the how than the solidified who. healing is uncovering the self underneath the debris of trauma & false separation. but more importantly, healing allows me to access ways of being that weren’t sustainable when I was separated from myself & the interdependent impact of behaviors (the how).
I think healing is restoring & repairing through repetition, like physical therapy. maybe healing even just brings us back to neutral & everything from there is evolution/growth/increase. I know I was raised in a spirituality that conflated healing with transcendence but I don’t think that’s true anymore, at least for me. anything I’ve ever thought I transcended has resurfaced in deeper layers. any experiences I have of transcendence are a collaboration between my ability to be present & embrace temporality. this ability increases as a result of healing but is not contained by it. maybe transcendence happens in/after/during healing but they are not synonyms.
I’m tired of watching us struggling to heal & heal & heal like an eternal fucking task list without even being anchored in some kinda love for ourselves, some kinda recognition of our inherent divinity. my question for you is: who do you think you are based on how you be(have)? what is the vision you hold for yourself beyond healing & underneath repair?
every version of you that’s ever existed & will exist already exists. so how can you access a future vision today? how can you act as if it already is? that’s praxis: “a practical application of theory.” it’s an art, a science, a skill. it’s the Sun in pisces +++++capricorn action. maybe this is where healing & transcendence meet but, look down at your feet. keep them here on the ground. ‘cause we need you.
oxo
ARI