http://lady-phoenix.tumblr.com/post/172414390619
here is a compilation of many notes & thoughts I've had during this mercury retrograde cycle so far-it stations direct on sunday, april 15th! as I shared in my last post, mercury retrograde is not about our moods or huge life shifts but definitely the realizations & epiphanies that influence our moods & inspire our life shifts. where mercury retro is in your chart & the planets it's interacting with are everything. for example, mercury retro in aries for me was in my 9th house, sphere of education, spirituality, belief systems, & social/intellectual learning. mercury opposed my venus & jupiter in libra at certain points which brought into question my own approach to relationship (venus) & beliefs (jupiter). every single one of these direct yet rambly (aries style) observations are rooted in a deeper, personal context with many, many threads of my own story weaving in & out. context is everything. that being said, I'm sharing this list of sorts to organize my thoughts from their organic form so they can hopefully be more relatable, helpful, & resonant. follow me on instagram if you have one as I been using the stories feature to share real-time mermaid musings in addition to my usual posts on the current mood there. feel free to share what your mercury retro epiphanies have been in the comments!
astrology is super complex. it is an intricate, multi-layered, ancient yet ever-changing system. this is why it matters who your astrologer is. I say astrologer because I believe it's important to build relationships with the one(s) that feel right. if you take astrology seriously, honor the ones that have been invested into learning it for years & years- especially because it is still considered an unofficial, unconventional field by the general public. to those that are learning, even 3-5 years in, know that you will always be learning. it is essential to understand that because so much harm can be done when astrology is misused, misapplied, & remains superficial. I have almost a decade of hardcore study invested & it wasn't until recently that I realized I could take my knowledge & experience seriously. and it took seeing how those with 1-3 years of study/experience positioned themselves as teachers on the topic to truly validate my own investment. I am glad that the journey was long because it is so much more integrated then if I had rushed the process from novice to expert- and it remains a lifetime process. ultimately, astrologers & other spiritual/divinatory workers are doing deep validation work if they are honoring the agency, intuition, & free-will of their patrons. that is a tender, tender thing.
I have a lot of saturn squares in my chart. I never got to live in la la land. I'm grateful & exhausted by this. saturn is exhausting. and it often sucks being the less palatable [brown] person by default because I prioritize interrupting complacent, complicit, or irresponsible narratives. a prioritization I am always learning. social capital functions on an economics of popularity so it can get lonely when you are in the practice of not giving a fuck about getting power from what people think/perceive to be true about you. and anyway, any kind of capital is rooted in hierarchy so I don't want it anyway. you do not need the agreement, approval, or belief of others to be able to know your path. saturn will teach you this- and we cannot continue to attempt to individually embody what should be communal structures of support. stay open to building relationships with those who are as committed to your values as you. if you're someone with lots of saturn influence in your chart you're always dealing with this learning curve in some way, like me- and this is the crux of why saturn returns have a rep' of being difficult AF. because saturn wants us to divest from the illusions & invest into the tangible.
especially relevant to mercury retro: some people act as if you're lying at least a little bit because they always are. if you find yourself feeling disbelieved, constantly questioned, or placated because fox secretly (or not so secretly) think you are extreme, remember that you can validate yourself. it is natural to feel upset about being dismissed, especially when it's in defense of those who've done harm. I sometimes find myself feeling hurt even when no harm (though there may disappointment/grief) has actually been done. I'm learning to realize that seems to occur when I'm not validated in the way I need to be. and we can't always receive that from whom we would like to. reaching out to trusted relationships or to yourself for validation is absolutely essential. shit becomes complicated when we don't even know what we need validation in and how or why. experiment with it. remember that not giving a fuck about what fox think of you & accepting your feelings, thoughts, & experience as valid (different from accountability) is a practice. start from there. love your way in & out.
sometimes convincing ourselves we're right is so we can avoid the grief of letting go of what is no longer right for us. in other words, trying to find an angle that allows us to dissassociate, dismiss, or villainize the other is sometimes because it is painful to admit our disappointment in them & be with the grief that it may be time to install boundaries that we wish we didn't have to. I don't believe there are always "two sides" or that we are never victims. there are very real power dynamics, abuse, & situations that we cannot rectify with justifications of behavior folx refuse to be accountable for. what we can do is protect ourselves without having to be rooted in self-righteousness to do it. it's not sustainable. but self-compassion is. then we can talk about compassion for others...
humans are problem solvers. some of us are more inclined towards external variations of it than others. some of us do the invisible work. part of both of these approaches-any approach, in fact- is cultivating the critical analysis to name the problem. challenge/opportunity, whatever word feels most spacious. naming the problem does not make you part of the problem. in order to "be part of the solution" we have to know what we are solving & we have to know it well. and sometimes, as individuals, when we name problems in our lives, the solution is nobody's business. naming a problem isn't an invitation for collaboration on "fixing it". I notice that so much of the unsolicited advice problem-namers get is rooted in ageism as well. there's a bottom line assumption we're conditioned with that the younger you are the less wisdom you have access to- especially if you have any kind of confidence or knowing. a lot of hierarchy & power dynamics are rooted in age, rather than eldership, so of course there will be fox who want to put their wisdom on me because they think I must be in need of it by default. when we begin to honor children/youth/anyone who's lived less linear time on this earth not as empty vessels but full ones, so many wires will become uncrossed & we'll all be better for it.
individualism is why it’s so hard to know loyalty. it’s why we’re trying to remember what it means to have each other’s backs. it’s why there is so much concern with not being in the middle, with remaining neutral & impartial instead of attending to the hurt or the harm. it’s why community “leaders” & members can be so toxic. it’s how oppression thrives. individualism is hurting us. we don’t have to participate it in tho- that is the lie. we are not innately individualistic. we can remember. the biggest mercury retro revelation of all. I highly recommend this episode from Healing Justice Podcast where "Mark Fairfield of The Relational Center has us thinking about lethal individualism and relational culture as an alternative that acknowledges our deep connection." all the other episodes fucking rock too.
until the new moon in aries...