the elements & relational strategies

I've been thinking about the different ways the elements navigate conflict & relationships. this is a relevant conversation right now as venus is in libra & so is the moon, until Thursday around 5pm EST. venus will leave libra for scorpio September 9 & then retrograde from October 5-November 16, going back to libra where it will go direct. venus is the planet of relationships- how we relate, what we appreciate, & what kind of connection we lust for. venus is at home in libra, the sign of alignment & reciprocity. libra is sensitive to the relationship between things. I shared some libran navigation tips on facebook/instagram but wanted to go a little deeper here.

relational strategies are so, so important for us to be able to recognize ourselves & know each other. knowing what strategies we default into & want to cultivate takes a lot of the pressure off of relationships as an entity to fulfill our needs & allows us to be response-able for how we engage in them. there is no one size fits all. there is no ultimate mold to fit into. we all need people/places/things to show up for us in different ways. we all need different strategies to heal, restore, and move on. when we stop holding so tightly to what we think people/places/things are supposed to be, how we are supposed to be, we can really be in observation of what ebbs & flows on its own. this helps us see clearly how we can cultivate more flow & where we are in the habit of forcing. being centered & clear is actually the most powerful way to be in relationship. we can self-validate AND honor the agency of others. this is an intersection of reciprocity, receptivity, & power in relationships.

here are some examples of the elements & their innate relational strategies:

water (cancer, scorpio, pisces) needs very clean, clear containers & energetic management because water absorbs. it’s easy to poison the water & takes a long time to purify it. water should probably not use strategies for conflict or relationship that leave pathways open/keep toxic people in orbit. there may be  tendency towards passive aggression, over-forgiveness, & resentment. closure is necessary to be able to move on. grief processes & feeling feelings without push or rush through is essential. validation is important so water does not become stagnant- inner trust as well because water knows when to move.

air (gemini, libra, aquarius) needs space & time & much of it. air can blow too strong or stay too still. movement is necessary so communication & flexibility is key. air can tend towards too much flexibility though, so concrete agreements & expectations are helpful in keeping clarity & freedom. air can detach or dissociate, leaving wounds open/untended or people whiplashed. many filters & perspectives are necessary for clean oxygen. air must flow & be adaptable without losing form. this is where relationships become necessary reflections & experiment in trusting there is enough space for others too.

earth (taurus, virgo, capricorn) can be the mountain no one can climb or the dirt everyone walks over. earth needs to know it’s okay to let go & that they don’t need to hold on for fear something else will never come. earth needs strategies that aren’t just about results but also bringing realness to the process. earth needs structure & permission to take their time. reminders that boundaries are as important as vulnerability or patterns will continue to repeat if earth is stuck/stubborn. earth needs intentionality & receptivity in relationships to keep the ground fertile & moist. 

fire (aries, leo, sagittarius) needs to be purposeful to refrain from burning it all down. fire needs to be seen, validated, & allowed to move on without leaving untended emotions & dynamics behind. fire needs something to burn on, some sustainable fuel of direction or usefulness, to stay safe. fire needs to value all ways of movement & navigation in order to maintain relationships. fire will burn out if there is too much reactivity or rush. this will destabilize boundaries & relationships unless they can slow down & remember that solutions are collaborations, not just free-agent decisions.

I hope to go deeper sometime soon into sharing how understanding the elements can support healthy relationships. this is why we need astrology- it's a tool, a lens, for accepting ourselves & others more clearly, leaving room for love.

oxo
saltwater & stars

throne yourself

new moon partial solar eclipse in leo | saturday, august 11 @5:58AM EDT 

"how many prayers must cross in the sky, at odds, to confuse the gods into hiding? (for isn’t it true that the idea of god corrupts us, tricks us into diminishing our divinity until we forget how to be answers?)"-adrienne maree brown

our doubt that our full hearts make for clear eyes and that we will KNOW it when the love is real is at odds with the reality that we are god. this leo eclipse hopes we are no longer interested in striving for people to change. this leo eclipse wants us to be in our own godliness so that it doesn't matter if they change or not. it is time to throne ourselves. not to engage in mimicking our oppressors domination olympics, but to do right by ourselves & our people. to offer our most necessary, righteous, holy, & humble contribution.

every eclipse is a portal & what we carry through matters. we don't have to settle or try to make anything less than what feels right work. because miracles exist and are out there spiraling towards us. we are them, too. we hold within ourselves the capacity to simultaneously be who we have been, who we could be, & who we are right now. everyday, you choose. you may not be feeling very strong right now. you may be feeling all the tenderness of what it means to be human, to be changing, to be vulnerable. you may be coming up against the humanity of others, which is sometimes disappointing. sometimes glorious.

being in right relationship with our selves is what allows us to accept & adapt, rather than feeling subjugated or resistant to what is evolving in or around us. there are no on & off switches. it is all a practice, a play, an experiment. we will have a full moon total lunar eclipse in leo in January...consider from here to there your time container for learning what it feels like to be in all your power & to own your response-ability to shape.

when the moon is new & this moment has passed, the process of integrating will still be here. be patient with it- because it is only the measure/illusion of perfection that makes us think we are supposed to be anyone but who we are right now. 

may nothing less than deep presence & life-giving love come through this eclipse portal with us.

oxo
saltwater & stars

lunar eclipse in aquarius musings

so here you are. here we are. here I am. human. divine. alive. at this crack in space and time known as the present. at this intersection of what was, what is, & what is next. you may as well arrive here because there is no such thing as arrival. you may as well forgive yourself now. because salvation will only be showing up as you being present for your self. heroes are myths but sovereignty is the reality of who you are. 

you might feel inadequate. so damn inadequate. you might feel insecure af. you might feel isolated. misunderstood. confused. you might feel overwhelmed. you might feel heartbroken. you might feel so, so small. or way too much. you might feel painfully awake. or painfully numb. you might feel chaotic, erratic, rebellious. you might feel fucking terrified. you might feel disconnected. you might have more questions than answers. there might be simultaneously too much and not enough time on your hands. you might feel discontent, dissatisfied, inconsolable. 

and yet...every moment, you get to shape change. you get to contribute to the collective, even if on a fractal, micro level. you get to operate with the full range of your agency. be with the rage. it reveals what boundaries have been violated or humanity denied. be with the pause. it reveals portals into other worlds. be with the impossibility. it reveals what you deeply desire. be with the change. because you are it. it is you. 

{horoscopes are waiting for you in the Commune, subscribers. check your inboxes. if you want ‘scopes too, you can  decide to sign up here.} 

oxo
saltwater & stars

an eclipse + pluto story

this is a picture of the ever resilient dandelion that’s like 3 feet tall  in my parking space but I have a story about a turkey vulture & a squirrel.

in Hannah Gadsby’s comedy special Nanette, she talked about being “soaked in shame” and how a child cannot develop the neurological pathways to maintain self esteem when they do not have support in cultivating it. it was an epiphany & a heartbreak for me, all at once. I felt free from what I didn’t know was holding me back & also deep in what feels like a never ending process of death.

death takes on so many shapes & forms. it is as familiar as it is fresh every time I feel it. attachments have died. love has died. innocence has died. relationships have died. fear has died. lies have died. colonial programming has died. lifetimes have died. versions of myself have died. all within me.

I find myself in another metamorphosis (a word for death). I don’t want to focus on the rejection & abandonment in my story. I needed to be able to name those things & be honest about their impact. it is an essential step in boundary & healing work. what’s interesting is that paying attention to how trauma has made me feel about myself has not been the same thing as healing the trauma.

another epiphany provoked by Hannah Gadsby was, “we learn from the part of the story that we focus on.” I need to focus on the healing, transformation, & abundance that has eclipsed the very long but very over stories of abandonment & abuse that has helped shaped me. because what we give attention to grows* and I crave more healing, transformation, & abundance. which is so much more work than being satisfied with what is or assuming we’ve arrived. to crave is to stay curious & that is harder than defaulting to self-hate.

I am tired of fragile confidence. I am tired of the cycles & spirals that come with how hard it is to trust. I am tired of my default reaction to any discomfort being to question, distrust, & reject myself. I am tired of feeling stuck in the defense mechanisms that I have due to needing to mentally & emotionally survive. and I am grateful to be nourished enough to be able to slow down and notice-that I’m tired.

I was sitting in my car with these thoughts yesterday & feeling so much anger for the deprivation of my birthright to feel like I’m an important contribution and deeply loved.

at a stop, I looked to my left and saw the largest turkey vulture I’ve ever seen right next to me car. in its mouth was a skinned squirrel it was clearly doing its ecological job on.

turkey vultures are death totems. the indicate you’re in a period of transformation & rebirth. squirrels are playful, curious energy. childlike. I was the squirrel, a victim of violence. and I was the vulture, cleaning the blood & guts, turning it into food. completing the process. claiming power.

I am ready to put this particular pattern of fragile self confidence/esteem/love-as-a-verb to death. to use the fertile ground of rebirth to plant the seeds of self worth deeply. watering often. I know this will take time. nonlinear, cyclical time. I know I will need all the incredible support in my life & more tools than I currently have to do this work. I am finding these tools/supports and they will find me. this I know.

because how mind-blowingly synchronistic is it that I would see myself in nature at the exact moment I most needed to?

this is a rebirth story. an eclipse story. one of mine. one of many.

oxo