this Mercury retrograde, I was digging through a blue bin of old journals & albums to get a photo of my recently passed grandmother for the ancestor altar. I found this photo of me & was struck to see myself so young but with that tired look in my eyes. it was probably actual tiredness but I’ve been thinking about the weight of intergenerational trauma, grief, and joy. I started carrying it consciously so early.
I am fortunate to have had a personal spiritual practice since I was 8. it’s not until this year I realize how I’ve been in communion with my benevolent ancestors long before I knew that’s what those feelings/voices were. intentionality amplifies everything though. I’m increasing it by understanding in new ways that I already am my ancestors & they are me. these are concepts I’ve known & claimed but the recent passing of my grandmother makes it so much more clear within me. any restoration I do for myself goes forward AND back. it must.
I spend a lot of time going 1 step forward, 2 steps back in my processes. not because I miss things but because repetition & reflection reinforces whatever I’m learning/healing/creating. this might be reflected by my natal mercury retrograde, but more-so I like to think of it as being humble enough to go back where most might keep forward & lose depth for the sake of width.
I do it to retrieve myself from origins that are informing what I think is possible for me now. it is my dream-work, my mercury retro work, my birth right. it is ancestral communication, decolonial education, soul restoration.
this is all that’s at the surface willing to be shared right now. maybe take it as a reminder that this is not the only dimension or reality, that who you are is not only what can be seen, & that the acute awareness of our interconnection right now is a glimpse of what’s always present in more realms than this one.
join me for retrieval: a workshop for natal mercury retrograde. basically, a pop-up emoceanal support group for people with natal mercury retrograde. details & registration here.
oxo
Ari