Ari in Louisville KY in front of a dolphin mural
we are not afraid of grief here. we engage with tension like a plaything. we make ourselves the danger that we laugh in the face of. the only temptation we resist is that of pretense. we do not go over, around, under or run away from what is hard. we go through it. that’s why it hurts.
WE ARE NOT AFRAID OF PAIN HERE. WE ARE MULTIDIMENSIONAL MASTERS OF IT. WE ARE TIME TRAVELERS IN IT.
press your palms into your face and cry. fill your hands with saltwater.
where is here? how do we become different in it?
here begins with the sun in libra, playing Maat for a moment. here ends with the sun in scorpio, olympic deep river diver champion. here is the illumination, whether through the fire or the darkness, six months of aries harvest. here is an empty libra womb, lined with bloody possibilities, contracting into alignment. here is between the beginning of fascism and the inevitable (it must be) Revolution.
inhale love, exhale grief.
what the fuck is going on here? why is it so fucking loud? do you hear that?
it’s like the tambourine of heartbreak being sharply caressed for lifetimes of lifetimes. everyone knows how to play it, if they really listen to how it’s been played for centuries. there are so many of us playing it right now. it’s like being irresistibly tireless while you are certain you could never be more exhausted.
do we keep waking up as if we’ve never slept? does it always stay making broken hearts out of all your muscles, until your whole body throbs painfully? until you are nothing but heart?
I can’t sit here and tell you what you already know. I’m supposed to tell you something different, something brave. but maybe you need to be reminded that the something brave is you. maybe you need to be told what you already know over and over again, until it sounds different. maybe you are something different than what you already know. maybe bravery will make something different out of you?
close your eyes. imagine your nervous system is a crossroads, holding all the crossroads you will ever combust into new galaxies in the center of. imagine your emotions can ebb and flow with the amount of intentional breaths you take.
intentional breath is resuscitation. intentional breath is resurrection. intentional breath is insurrection. intentional breaths are the stars that make up the constellations that create the new galaxies that your crossroads combusted into.
INHALE LOVE. EXHALE GRIEF.
what won’t you let yourself feel or have because it broke your heart the last time you experienced it? what are you angry you didn’t get to have? what did you have to let go of because it hurt you? what hurt you to let go of? what couldn’t love you back? what took everything you had?
it’s okay, young love. there are smooth waters for you, still.
I hope you can take everything back, if it’s truly yours to keep. I hope you only have room for what loves you back. I hope someday what you had to let go of doesn’t hurt. I hope if it does, you get the support you deserve. I hope whatever hurt you lets go, because it’s hurting too. I hope you get to have everything your loving heart desires. I hope you let yourself feel, releasing experiences that broke you so you can break open.
because we have a new world to bear. we have so much work to do. there is so much rest to be rested. we have realities to project, also known as possibilities to imagine. we have so many pleasant surprises to receive and unpleasant surprises to compost into wisdom fertilizer. we have secrets to remember that help us see through the chaos and awakenings to grow into freedoms.
I’ll tell you a secret now: the only thing that is nebulous is how soon our victory is to come, but it is coming. it is on its way. we have already won.
we been already. all ready?
LET GO.
this piece is dedicated to Breonna Taylor & Black Lives Matter Louisville, Kentucky.
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oxo