mermaid musings on money & receptivity

prelude: this is me sharing mermaid musings & thought experiments at the intersection of astrology, decolonization, anti-capitalism, & spirituality. I want to have this conversation so deeply but only if it is centered in an understanding of how capitalism takes from us all & how racism/white supremacy impact the access to resources people like me have. any conversation about the connection between our spiritual/energetic practice & money that isn't centered in an analysis of justice/history has the potential to be harmful because we cannot use spirituality to bypass systemic, institutional, & economic injustices. I. have. no. answers. nor all the questions. only experiments & observations. listening.


I was sitting in the sun yesterday in the company of a tree & from somewhere (I think it whispered it to me) I had an epiphany that there is a clear relationship between money & receptivity. the sun is in taurus so material resources are on the mind. I've emboldened the keywords in the definition below that are associated with venus, ruler of taurus. when we’re talking about a season (what sign the sun is in), we are ultimately talking about the expression of the planet that rules that sign. so during taurus season, we’re musing on venus.

definition of receptivity

1able or inclined to receive; especially open and responsive to ideas, impressions, or suggestions
2: a of a sensory end organ fit to receive and transmit stimuli
b sensory

something I've observed about taurus is that they absolutely will work their ass off for material security, but really they'd prefer to ease into it. this makes me think of our relationship with the earth, with nature, how we are nature. the sustenance the land is meant to give us is something meant to be cultivated, given attention to, & responded to intentionally. but never forced. it's a relationship of receptivity & response-ability. capitalism & money can try to destroy & replace this organic relationship but it is something we can actually return to, in different ways. not all of us have access to being in relationship with land/the earth in the way we might want to be- in that, I've found that changing my relationship to money has been the beginning of reclaiming a lot of the ease & trust that working with the earth cultivates. because money is the resource that provides food/water/shelter that I need & am attached to at this time. 

the relationship between money & receptivity I am seeing so clearly right now is that when you stop believing that we need to "pull ourselves up by our bootstraps" & just work hard, there needs to be something else to believe in. I've been experimenting with trusting that what I need will come. what that really means is that I center myself in believing that abundance is actually possible. then I open myself up to honoring that it may arrive in multiple known & unknown ways. I solidify my intention of being receptivity by stretching myself into being willing to ask for material support when I need it- and then allowing it in. this is energetic work that I can choose to support with spiritual/magical practice for amplification. it can be deep, painful work. when we talk about energy, we're often talking about the alignment of the mind, heart, & body.

there are so many internalized beliefs about scarcity, work ethic, and "earning our keep" that it's often hard to imagine another way. it's often hard to imagine being supported by the multiverse, by our community, by the truth that we don't need to earn access to basic human rights. and there are certainly times when we need to participate in the system more than other others because survival is an instinct that is useful when we're put in the position to have to rely on it. only you can decide when a more energetically receptive route to getting needs met or being supported is appropriate. I am not saying that we all need to stop working our capitalistic jobs & just trust. I am saying that I am experiencing what happens when I make the energetic & spiritual investment into receptivity & ask for what I need-whether from others or the multiverse. this is the essence of venus-and an element of emergent strategy- decentralization/interdependence. 

I'm a cash poor 2nd generation boricua. these systems we're supposed to rely on for material security (in the context of the USA) were never meant for me or mine. they're not supposed to work. and neither are they aligned with what I believe. so until it all comes crashing down & we ingeniously survive it, I'm going to practice trusting in other realms rooted in the power I know is available to me while doing what I need to do to be secure. I want to be receptive to the support of the unseen forces that conspire with me towards healing, liberation, & abundance. and ultimately, be receptive to the constant circulation of resources that happens among those who are interested in finding alternative ways of being in this world, in relationship with money, & in love with each other. 

saltwater & stars

mermaid musings on magic

Thanks to Jena Schwartz's 10 Week writing group on SIGNS, I wrote in response to a prompt about the pursuit of magic. I want to share it here as it is super relevant to my work. I hope you find some magic in it for yourself. It is raw & unedited. <3 

Do you really want to know this? I don't think it's a pretty story. The pursuit of magic means losing everything, sometimes. It's surrender, really. Which sounds sublime but in actuality is one of the most painful processes. To release. 

I can't tell you about the pursuit of something until I define what it is, so you see the destination. Magic is synchronicity and power and free will. It's a mixture of everything we hate and everything we love and being able to choose. Magic is an incredible feeling, it's when you feel like you're on path, on your way, like things are good. And hell, magic is when things are terrible, on fire, dying. Magic is the choice to keep going. To continue living. To construct and deconstruct and reconstruct. That's magic. It's WORK. You sometimes fall into it or fall out of it but ultimately you make it. 

Magic is not giving other people, places, or things the power that belongs to you. Magic is the ownership of definition. Magic is autonomy. Simultaneously, magic is also interconnectedness. Merging. Partnerships. Magic is blending and choosing together. Magic is Everything. And yet, it is possible to be without it. 

This is why the pursuit of magic is actually painful. Because you must leave so much behind and say no so often, trusting that what you're saying yes to, the unknown, will be magical. The pursuit of magic can be life-giving, when you realize that magic is really your ability to expand your capacity for power and the unknown. 

Magic is Paradox. Isn't that life? 

The pursuit of magic is a pinnacle overlooking a long, bright river. You think about jumping but you don't. You just sit and appreciate. The pursuit of magic is sex- it takes consciousness, attention, intention, and trust. Making love to life. The pursuit of magic is your heart shattering in a million pieces over and over again and yet somehow you think this is what life is supposed to be so you stay with it, eventually changing your mind. The freedom is breathtaking then. 

The pursuit of magic is burning with a rage so pure that you would do anything for the ones you rage for. Give endless time, resource, and energy for just a little reprieve. Justice. Liberation. The pursuit of magic is burning with a rage so dark you can't see yet somehow, you do no harm. But you never take any shit either. That's magic. How few get there, how long it takes to arrive. 

The pursuit of magic is a beautiful, tragic, story that not actually all of us tell because not everyone will choose. It is rare to want to choose the pursuit; it's exhausting. There is no instant gratification. There is little recognition. 

I think the secret that keeps us in pursuit is that Magic is the one thing that really does last forever.


blood sweat tears {the taurus full moon aftermath}

I'm not going to get political on Saltwater Stars. I lean towards anarchy anyway. But I will get woke as FUCK. Because I exist through the blood sweat tears of my black & brown ancestors. I am protected from many traumatizing racial experiences because of my light skin. So I have work to do in this intersectionality. Because the trauma is still in my DNA. I feel it when I'm trying to explain to genuinely lovely white people why the fight is mine, why the fight is theirs, why marginalized lives matter. 

Why the fuck should I have to explain that? 

Yes, people are blinded/enabled by privilege & conditioning. Yes, racism & other prejudice-isms are protected by the systematic/institutionalized histories of oppression. Yes, the President Elect & supporters are a wake-up call for many. A call to action for many others. Communities must take legal/governmental action. Organizations must be supported. Voices must be heard, bodies seen in protest. Education education education- we must eat, sleep, breathe it. 

That being said, I am a witch. I'm a psychological astrologer. I'm a highly introverted writes better than I talk Scorpio stellium Latina. What is my work in all this? How does Saltwater Stars play the game? 

In my many conversations with other spiritually oriented people, I've realized that on an individual level, all the pain-oppression boils down to ego. Ego repression, suppression, unhealthy functionalities and development. Yeah, I can spit all that psych-shit out & leave it there. But what am I really trying to say?

We need healthier egos, to be allowed to be seen|heard|loved as we are. 

On a psychological level, there needs to be acceptance, healing, & trust in order to recognize harmful patterns, one's contribution to social constructs, & to choose inclusion|equality over exclusivity & hierarchy. I've seen this in my workplaces, in my family dynamics, and in society. People versed in the language of the psyche have a responsibility to educate others & use the knowledge to inform their interactions with others.

Intellects: do not use your aptitude for learning to feed your own ego. Don't use enlightening the masses to feed your own ego. If you care about the health of society, share your wisdom in a passionate yet detached-from-the-outcome way. Allow others to find their path...I'm just talking to myself here, sorrynotsorry. So what does that mean for the witches|healers|dwellers in other realms? 

Your magic is action.

I am not saying that our tools (crystals, sage, candles, prayer, etc.) will save the world. I am saying they are tools we should be using in ways that resonate with our work. I am saying that they are a deeply intricate system of support that impacts us not only individually, but globally. I am saying that doing work in the unseen realms & working magic in the seen are valid contributions. More than valid- essential, necessary, impactful. Lean into your magic/altars/healing. It is work & it is powerful & underrated. 

Heal yourself, Heal the world. 

It is dark, intense, phoenix-tears Scorpio season anyway. Even while writing this, I had to pause to sob to a BANKS song, feeling pain & trauma from recent events in my personal history. We are stars...& we are saltwater. We need to feel our own pain, cry our own tears- that is as important as the empathic act of feeling|crying for others. If our egos are still healing, learning to seek creativity instead of validation...we must know what our vulnerability (a word which here means: tender desires, raw emotions, inner child) looks like so we can recognize our patterns.

If our hearts are hurting from loss|trauma|transition, we must have sacred boundaries around our time & energy. If we're still figuring out our values, work and/or path, we must have restrictions around our contributions, investments, commitments. SPACE SPACE SPACE. Treat yo'self like your essence is essential & you will learn to trust your process. 

This is the work. This is the change. This is action. If you believe in astrology, then you already understand that everything is cyclical & interconnected. Seasons, transitions, process, time, desire, manifestations. The heartache & the bliss. This is not bullshit mantras, mi amor. This is understanding what it means to be a being that surpasses reality living in a human body. Humble yet exponentially powerful.