I am angry. about money. how there is so much of it but never enough to go around. I am angry about the ways we are reliant on it & the ways those who don’t know what it is to really not have it say we should be in relationship with it. move away from it. I am angry about how it doesn’t matter if you “do everything right”. if you work those days at that shitty ass job (or two, or three, like me) with no space to breathe. if you get in debt worth years of daily labor to get a degree so you can still hunt for a job, sometimes years after you have the piece of paper. I am angry about the ways we suffer with the lack of it.
I have all these feelings about money & the ways we’re conditioned to accept access to it, the ways we’re allowed to make it. and how little we’re allowed to make. I have all this anger about how I have to fight away the feelings that I did/do something wrong, that I am not working hard enough, that I’m failing
we are not failing. the world is failing us. yes, we are the world but there is something about naming the dynamics of power (white supremacy & capitalism, to name two) that shifts the ways we assume response-ability. and I am not willing to be responsible for trying to survive in structures I did not create & do not willingly participate in. I will be response-able for what I do with whatever extra money I ever make & distributing whatever capital I have access to or ever obtain. because even as we imagine & invest into alternative strategies, we gotta fucking eat. and most of the strategies I’m familiar with that already exist in this US of Amerikkka involve already having access to a large amount of money.
I’m thinking about all of this as the moon waxes into what will be a full moon in virgo (thursday 7:51PM EST) in my second house- finances, resources, security...MONEY. I’m noticing my (virgo-appropriate) frustration with the way everything doesn’t fit neatly into place, the way I don’t trust money, & the ways it’s still tied into my senses of value & responsibility. The details of what each rising/sun sign might expect are in the horoscopes. I wanted to share this moment, right here, right now with you all in hopes that you will allow yourself to be with the anger more & perhaps cultivate more awareness about what we as individuals are response-able for in relation to the collective. here’s something relevant I shared on facebook:
no one is allowed to speak to my relationship to anger without my consent. no one is supposed to, without my permission, tell me when my anger is appropriate, when I should get over it, or when I should laugh the causes of it off. I will not believe I am angry because I am young, I will not believe I am angry because I'm immature, I will not believe I am angry because I want attention. regardless of how many times I am told these things & more.
to attempt to control the anger of others and their expression of it, when it is harming no one, is to violate the necessary building of intimacy & trust processing rage requires. let alone the by-passing (spiritual, racist, or otherwise) it requires to put yourself in a position of assumption that gives you the illusion you can speak to anyone's rage. there is soooo much we can do to shape change— and sometimes it feels there is so little & we need to be with our poverty, with our trauma, with our pain, with our anger. all those things are data we can use to find a more accurate measure for our contributions & capacities
this is relevant to something you may have seen me say already if you follow me on instagram. I answered the question: why pay for horoscopes when there are so many amazing free ones? well the Commune is kinda my on-site version of Patreon- cash poor brown girl gotta eat even as the stars speak. It is important to me to be accessible AF but that is not always something we can embody on an individual level. so the Commune is for those interested in new/full moon astrology & interested in investing into a boricua with an ongoing decolonization, anti-racist, anti-capitalistic, anti-every-ism lens. #fuckthekyriarchy
this is one of the ways of the many I hope to find that I am trying to build alternative income that gets me more life & puts me in a position of being able to give, to support, to redistribute wealth. my intention is not to sell to you but to share my process as a low income boricua. it is a slow, tiny, ever changing, but life-giving way. isn’t that the way of the earth?