in the absence of urgency

sabbatical over, I find myself in this interesting space that I created by attempting a separation between the “personal” & my work. I’ve been playing with dissolving this & operating with more presence. at the same time, I really value boundaries & privacy so it’s not a clear cut thing.

however, it has come to my attention in new ways that I am an unusual person living an unusual life & that’s the kind of thing to be transparent about while we create new worlds & the old ways die. every time I’ve shared more of myself even with discomfort, folx have left but more importantly, folx respond with deep resonance & care. isn’t that what the fuck I’m here for anyway?

I think I haven’t wanted to share in a more personal, playful way for fear of seeming less spiritual/serious about my work. as a queer non-binary Boricua in an unconventional field/all the time, I’ve had to put so much effort into being taken seriously & respected. eventually I realized that was a waste of time & your people will find you when you stop trying to prove yourself but there is still residue of that way of being in me, of course.

dissolving the separations between work, play, & my inner life also brings up the question of what my work is exactly & why I do anything. working with Turtle Tank / School for Radical Purpose since January has been a priceless investment into the unfolding of the answers that lead to better questions.

I think it’s time to practice some of these answers & questions out loud & stop running from all of who I am being necessary. I don’t want to *take* up space, I am space. I am multitudinous & my deepest desire for my self is to be unapologetic about it. so onward into whatever the fuck that means. come with?

oxo
Ari