I've been thinking a lot about healing justice. two things that often feel impossible but excruciatingly necessary. I've been listening to How To Survive the End of the World & the Healing Justice podcast. each episode changes my life & brings me to a heart-centered space- I feel more anchored, clear, excited than I ever have before. not just within my relationship to myself but also to my community (any & all kinds of relationships) & work in the world. I do not know what I am producing (and it doesn't matter right now) yet I am so clear on my path. I think I will be traveling a lot this year, going to generative somatics and emergent strategy trainings. in addition to the Queer Astrology Conference next month.
these are not new things in my realm, what is new is the cohesive way I'm experiencing all the different investments I have & how they interconnect. I have come full /moon/ circle within many experiments in being that I have engaged in this past year. what it really has been initiated by is my brujeria & all the experiments I've been doing in the unseen realms. my relationship to spirituality & magic (will/desire+intention/action) is the crux of my relationship to everything else. I tried to hide, deny, suppress this my entire life. so 2018 finds me freer than 2016 & 2017 was the gulf of separation, the ocean of time & space I had to swim through to access everything I already knew. instead of trying to fit myself into containers of various textures & sizes, shaped by other people/ideas/realities, I have decided to shape my own. from that comes an emergent strategy designed for & by me that is accessible to the collective by virtue of us all being connected.
all of that is to say that I am feeling closure rather than crisis after this full moon. I am feeling saturated rather than heavy & soft rather than fragile. knowing that this feeling is temporary but that I can find my way back to it has been the biggest lesson, I think. learning it involved therapy, communion, mentors, & wisdom finding it's way to me through so many avenues that I am truly overwhelmed by how supported I am. learning it involved reaching the point of exhaustion from not being able to find my way back--not to some blissed out utopia, though I have felt that too. but to a space where I can stay open AND safe. loved AND self sufficient. learning meant being brave & trusting myself little by little. I still don't believe in balance but I am adamant about integration & alignment- so this is what I have been & will be anchored by.
the other lesson that I find myself returning to under the now waning light of what was a massive peach moon on the east coast is that we need each other. I've heard that so many times in so many different ways but it has not been until the last few months that I started really understanding it. I don't think I could before because I was so absorbed by self-preservation, defensiveness, & valid valid pain. so I needed to explore some tools (like how to work with C-PTSD). I needed to seclude. I needed to expose. and now, it has really sunk in. trying to act like we don't need each other is isolating & isolation kills (just like immersion with toxic people/places/things).
we need each other. not just for primal, instinctual reasons, not just to build & cope & survive together (practices I was in after Puerto Rico was hit by Maria & then left to die by USA per usual). we need each other to teach each other. to show what love can look like as a myriad of expressions. to see what is actually possible & to learn what we need to move on from. nothing I have learned, nothing I am writing, nothing I have ever said is merely of my own origin. it is a web I am weaving from all the threads I have been fortunate to have access to. as is your existence. we are all weaving from the threads coming from other webs being or already woven. needing each other means being humble & less attached to our ideas of wisdom & our fear of the unknown. needing each other does not mean becoming invisible to dissolve into the whole but rather allowing yourself to be fully seen & seeing others.
I wrote at Latinx Lancaster about micro-strategies in resistance. it is all about sustainability & focusing on what you can have actual impact within-while understanding that everything has seen & unseen consequences. basically, moving away from binary thinking expands this huge /moon/orb of gray area that is so necessary to engage with if we're going to grow. if healing & justice will actually happen. I think it has to be heart centered work or we easily lose our way. I think heart-centered (focusing on feelings/needs as the motivation for actions) movement is anti-capitalist by default. we can't build what we want & need by being detached & objective- that is the recipe for recreating what we are so sick & tired of.
this is the medicine of the moon. this is the medicine of cancer. leaning into our foundations, our origins, & tending to what is growing from there. belonging. roots. the communion of community/relationships. the opening of your heart. the fierce protection of it. pouring into others hearts. the fierce protection of them. weaving. making home. this is healing. this is the crux of justice. we do uranus (break free, evolve), jupiter (expand, philosophize), saturn (structure, build). but what are we motivated by? is it possible to skip over your own healing (a non-linear but intentional process) to radicalizing your actions & be sustainable? is it possible to skip over our collective healing into practices of justice? can we be just to ourselves by allowing healing?