I let me love me now

I fear that if I’m the next me 
this me I’m becoming
this me I’ve always been 
the unfuckwitable, fierce, certain me
I’ll be abandoned because 
this is what they chose to leave

I been like

let me leave me
before you don’t ask me to stay
before you don’t hold me down
before you don’t pursue to peruse me

let me leave me
so I don’t have to watch you walk away
so I don’t have to be less alone
so I don’t have need to be free

but wait

let me leave for me
and fuck these games I don’t know how to play
and fuck the trust never earned
and fuck all the love that wasn’t sweet

I let me love me now (sometimes). nothing is more excruciating slamming up against the walls that hold the finite amount of healing & love I believed possible. and nothing is more terrifying than the tangibility of everything I only hoped could be real slam up against the other side but not feeling ready to watch the walls crumble. again & again I’ve found myself on both sides. I’ve ripped down walls & I’ve held them up myself, despite the pressure of destruction—sheer arrogance. what I’m finding in the rubble that happened anyway is a revolution I can touch, because it is my own skin, it is what I’ve become.

I know this because I’ve felt revolution come to be in me, birthed from the rage of every moment of joy, love, & freedom taken from my ancestors. taken from my life. revolution cracked me open with a burning desire for the bloodstained fabric of this world to be ripped to shreds. revolution shattered my soul with a willingness to midwife the death of what holds up the only world (me) I’ve ever known. eventually, after I was taught how to grieve & how to live anyway, I realized that what was actually awakened in me was love. it is still stretching to love myself & liberation more than everything I’ve been conditioned with (it’s comfy there). it is one of the most painful yet glorious experiences, those times when love outgrows all the ways I’d been holding it & becomes wild again. what is revolution if not love set free?

registration for Relationship as Revolution closes on Friday, May 24th at 12PM EST

oxo
saltwater & stars

don't do what you're told to

you’re supposed to hate yourself. you’re supposed to treat others as disposable. you’re supposed to think unconditional, safe, freeing love is a fantasy, a myth, a foolish dream. you’re supposed to repress, suppress… I mean it’s really fucking cool to act like you don’t give a shit. it’s really fucking cool to play off your deepest fears, feelings, & fire. it’s really fucking cool to give it all away for comfort/complacency/temporary acceptance. it’s really fucking cool to believe that if you’re real as fuck you’ll never fit, never be loved, never really be free.

the kyriarchy thrives off this shit. oppression needs you to be in pain & stay there thinking it’s the only option. because once you know something better can be just as real, true, & valid as your pain the game is over. this is because we all really know that revolution happens on the frontlines of our hearts. in the crevices of the gaps left where love was absent. at the edges of our vulnerabilities. with the risks we take towards a different way of being, thinking, loving.

revolution happens in the moments where your mind changes, shattering the world as you knew it & creating new ones from sheer ingenuity. when we decenter whiteness so as to destroy it, it’s revolution. when we remember that money doesn’t have shit to do with our importance, it’s revolution. when we choose pleasure over power, when we choose power over submission, when we choose—it’s revolution.

being invested in the people you can call when shit hits the fan (or when it doesn’t) is revolution. treating yourself as sacred & accepting nothing less from others is revolution. knowing what’s most important to you & why then actually living it is revolution. telling the truth about your need for connection & how you need it is revolution. refusing to let oppression/conditioning/trauma dictate what’s possible for you, for us, is revolution. transforming pain into medicine is revolution.

we’re supposed to lie about how much we need each other. we’re supposed to lie about how deeply we crave healing. we’re supposed to lie about what we actually know is possible. we’re supposed to lie about caring at all. we’re supposed to lie about not knowing how to get the fuck out of this mess. we’re supposed to lie about the practicality & accessibility of starting small because only big gestures & visible moves can matter.

I think this all means that more than anything, loving ourselves & each other radically—to the very roots of who we are & why we’re here—is revolution. because there are no lies there, no pretending. and in that space, we can really transform the values we’ve inherited into values we can be full-bodied for. in that space, we can access the pure creative fire that is in us longing for a new world, a better way, a different love. in that space, we can be free.


we want revolution. relationship is how we get from here to there. it starts inside out.


registration for Relationship as Revolution closes on Friday, May 24th @12PM EST.


oxo
saltwater & stars

lick your lips: the full moon in scorpio

FULL MOON IN SCORPIO
MAY 18TH @ 5:11PM EST | 27 DEGREES

this one sexy, wild, & simultaneously grounding full moon. the waters of scorpio are blue like the hottest part of the flame, cleansing & comforting while being dangerous. there’s something satisfying about the kind of closure/revelation that surfaces during a scorpio full moon, whether it’s painful or pleasurable. scorpio wants to know what’s real; fuck being fake or pretending or niceties based on placating fragile hungry egos. who cares if the truth hurts? it’s priceless, it’s power, it’s generative.

everyone deserves the opportunity to have the full range of motion with their agency. we miss that when we’re hiding or wanting others to play small for our insecurities. we miss that when we give our power away, forget to take it with us, or aren’t even aware of it in the first place. we miss it when we try to control everything inside & outside of ourselves. the thing is, our power is so often waiting for us behind what we’re terrified of. our softness, our vulnerability, our brilliance, our defiance, our freedom, our love, our rage. will you stay in your unreconciled places until they become swamps around you?

the Sun & Mercury are making love in taurus during the full moon. this could be bringing the light of articulation to your desires/needs or those of others. you could realize that it’s time to walk away from whatever is draining your energy, you could implement stronger boundaries. you could walk deeper into a good thing, feel a message finally sink in on a cellular level, tell someone how you feel. the Sun-Mercury is throwing you a rope if you feel like you’re drowning in the waters.

Venus has also entered taurus, their first home. Uranus was already waiting there, so this is a different taste of Venus in taurus than we’re accustomed to. it’s all the usual encouragement towards a prioritization of delightful beauty, pleasure, art, aesthetic, & sensuality rooted in a healthy love for the self. however, Uranus adds this flavor of eccentricity, chaos, the unusual, & the conventionally rejected to it. we’re finding love in unexpected places, or creating experiences we’ve never had before, or changing the very essence of our relationships to pleasure, sex, food, money…

the energy available to us right now is very creative. creativity is doing something in a different way, however subtle, than it’s been done—by you. forget about everybody else: how can you tap into your creativity to navigate life? this means also forgetting “what it’s always been” based on your former experiences & allowing your mind to reset into a beginner’s perspective. sometimes this also means something needs to die (scorpio) for the new life to birth. you can keep holding on if you want, starling. no one will blame you. but I think we both know it’s been time to set the past aflame & let a Phoenix, a you that has never before been seen, rise from the earth.

it’s time to take a full, deep bite out of life. it could be salty, it could be sweet, maybe both. you won’t know sitting here waiting for it to prove you right or wrong. take a bite & lick your lips because if you’re ready, sweetness is ready for you.

for full length horoscopes on this full moon & more, join the COMMUNE.

for more on Uranus in taurus, check out the
upcoming workshop!

oxo
saltwater & stars